Chapter 79: Paging Mr. Bang...

Friday Night, David was ready to call in the doctors -- he was pretty sure he was losing his mind. Like just a few minutes ago, for example, he saw a tall red head that from the back looked remarkably like Ang. He rubbed at his eyes with a tired hand and looked again. "Ang?" he called out, but she didn't turn around. He shook his head. He was losing it. All day, it seems all he's seen was babies. Everywhere he turned there was another mother or father jostling one or more little ankle biters. And to his friends' chagrin, David felt the need to stop and peer at every last one of them.

In the hotel lobby, one woman he stopped, a fan from Denver, asked him if he missed the days of diapers and drool, and he laughed. "So much so that I'm gonna do it all again this fall!" he gushed, then remembered where he was. "Uh," he stammered, and the woman laughed.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "Who am I going to tell? This little girl here is the only person I seem to talk to these days."

David had gone to his room after that, just to try to regroup. He checked his online messages, and was glad to see that Ang was going to be able to get Hath out of the house Thursday afternoon. Hath's mother, Pauline, had called him a couple of days ago. He'd been having lunch with the guys when his phone trilled "Funiculi Funicula" and he laughed. "Hath's mom," he told his friends, who all gaped at him.

Jon and Richie exchanged a look when David answered with a, "Hi, Mom! What's news?"

"David, are you busy right now?" Pauline was always conscious of his time, and while he thought it was sweet, she knew that he'd always take her calls, no matter what.

"Never too busy for you, Mom. I’m just eating lunch," he said. "What's up?"

"You're coming into town next week, still, right?" She sounded nervous, which wasn’t like her.

"Yeah," he said, "I'm hitting Boston Thursday morning and heading over to Hath's office. Why? Everything OK?"

Pauline sighed. "Well, her friends want to throw her a going away party that night, and she all but told me that she was locking herself in her house with you Thursday night..." As Pauline went on, David's color got high. He couldn't believe she was saying this to him.

"Mom, wait, please," he said, taking a drink of water. "Look, if you want to have the party Thursday night, we'll work something out. One of her other friends was thinking of swinging by that week, let me find out if I can get her to help." He thought for a moment. "I could change my plans and fly directly to Jersey on Thursday, which would take that out of the equation."

David had to hold the phone away from his ear when his soon-to-be-mother-in-law shouted at him. "DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT!!!" Jon and the others laughed.

“So that’s where she gets it from,” Richie said to nobody in particular.

David covered the mic on his phone. “Shhh,” David hissed. “Mom,” he said loudly – she was still yelling at him. “OK, OK, I won’t change my plans. Ang’ll help me,” he said, or I’ll kill her, he added silently.

“Oh thank you,” Pauline gushed, obviously relieved. After a moment, she said, “You know, when Jenilee told me about being pregnant, I was very concerned. You know, with you being who you are and all.”

David didn’t think he liked where this was going. “Yeah…” he said, prompting her to continue.

“Then when she told me she out and out refused to marry you, I thought it was because of your lifestyle and that she didn’t want to be a part of that, and while I didn’t agree with her, I understood.”

David shot a look at his friends, and half-turned away from the table. “That wasn’t it, Mom; or at least that’s not what she told me. She said it was because of the way I went about it,” he said. “I got her to change her mind, though,” he finished.

“Yes, and frankly that’s the only reason I’m keeping my nose to myself about this whole moving to New Jersey thing,” she said. “You make her so happy, David,” Pauline said softly. “Thank you.”

David smiled. “She makes me happy too, Mom. More than I thought I could be.”

“Certainly more than you deserve,” Pauline said, with humor in her voice.

“Of course,” David agreed. “I’ll let you know for sure what the plans are for Thursday, OK?”

“Sounds good. Have fun with your friends,” she said, making David laugh.

“Will do. Bye, Mom,” he said.

“BYE MOM!” the others yelled, and David could hear Hath’s mom laughing in his ear.

“You boys are too much,” she said, and hung up.

Now, back in his hotel room, David saw that Ang had responded to his plea for help. He knew she’d do it. She loved her girlfriends and the girl loved a party. Thank God. He’d hate to have to call Pauline back and tell her bad news. He did call and left a message on her answering machine (not voicemail, but the little machine with the teeny tiny tapes) that Thursday was all set. After he hung up, he realized he shouldn’t have left a message at all – if Hath happened to be at her mother’s house today…well, it was too late now. He looked at the clock and saw it wasn’t even dinner time yet. Hell, it wasn’t even quitting time for Hath yet. He called her anyway.

“This is Hath,” her distracted voice answered.

David didn’t say anything right away. He was just losing himself in his woman's voice.

“Hello?” she said, starting to sound annoyed. “This is Hath, how can I help you?” She always asked that. It came from years of operations and customer service experience. He smiled. She’d be doing that for Jon too, once she started her other job.

“Baby, it’s me,” David said.

“Oh! Hello there,” she said, her attention completely on him now, and her voice softening. “Where are you today? Pittsburgh still?”

“Yeah. We’ll be in North Carolina on Sunday, Minnesota on Tuesday, then I’ll be home, well at your place at least, on Thursday.”

“I still don’t know why you’re bothering,” Hath said. “In fact, Ang wants to go shopping, and she isn’t sure when she’s coming, and she doesn’t want to stay for Easter, so Thursday is the only day we can do it. I’m gonna be home for dinner, though. I want to make you something special,” she said, her voice lowering sexily.

David chuckled. “Baby, that sounds wonderful, but don’t kill me,” he said.

“What did you do?”

“Well, I kinda told your Mom I was coming in Thursday, and she said she was going to make something and bring it over.”

Hath laughed. “Well, at least you’re keeping it in the family,” she said. “OK, then I won’t worry too much about getting home for 6. What are you up to?”

David laughed. “I’m going out of my fucking mind,” he said, and Hath laughed loudly. He told her about seeing Ang’s doppelganger, and she laughed with him.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get to see her soon enough,” she teased.

“You know we’re just goofing around, right?” David asked.

Hath just laughed. “You aren’t dead yet, right? Remember what I told you last fall. You fuck with me and I’ll kill you myself. I meant it you know.”

“I believe you,” David said. “Just checking.”

“Listen sweetheart, I need to get to a meeting before I can call it quits today. Skype you later?”

David smiled. “I don’t know, you going to be naked later?”

“Ping me and find out. Love you, sweet Papa,” she said softly.

“Love you more, sexy Momma,” David answered.

“That just isn’t possible,” Hath said, then hung up.

Saturday morning, David felt more like his old self. He wasn’t seeing familiar faces around every corner, and nary a baby in sight. He was sitting down to a huge brunch with the guys, and had just taken a sip of some wonderful, fresh-squeezed orange juice when he noticed a man walk in the room. The only reason he noticed was that he was beet red, and not from sunburn. He chuckled, and took another sip of juice.

“Phone call for Mr. Flash Bang, Mr. Flash Bang a call is waiting for you in reception.”

David was so shocked, he spit his juice across the table and Richie got a face full. “Fuck, David,” he said, laughing hysterically. “What the hell was that for?”

David was trying to sink under the table, but Richie was having none of it. “Get up you pussy,” he said, and shifted in his seat, like he was going to manhandle David to the phone. Reluctantly, David got up and left the table, muttering about how if he killed her now, would it be one count of murder or three? He got to the phone. “Hath, baby, that better not be you,” he said. Nothing. “Fuck,” he said, and went back to the table.

“Who was it?” Jon asked innocently.

“What do you know?” David asked, as a second man came into the dining room.

“Oh no,” David said. “Fuck me,” and he stood as this man made the same announcement. He didn’t miss the twitters of amusement from the other patrons in the dining room. This smelled of Hath and April Fool’s. He got the phone and muttered, “What?” Again, nothing.

“I’m going to fucking kill Hath, babies or no babies,” David said, as he stalked back to the table. When he sat back down, he leaned in, and the others leaned in to hear him. “I gotta believe this is Hath,” he said. “She’s going down, who wants to help me?”

Before anyone could answer, they heard a voice say, “Mr. Bang, can I have your autograph?”

The four of them whipped their heads up at the sound of her voice. “Son of a bitch,” David muttered, but before he could stand up, Ang took off. He wasn’t crazy. He DID see her yesterday! He shouted after her, “You're dead Angel, come here woman and take your punishment!” She was having none of it, though, and disappeared out the door. The others were laughing so hard, David couldn’t help but join in. He took out his phone and called Hath.

“Baby, it’s me. Hath, you and Ang are dead. Call me back,” he said.

Over the course of the afternoon, he saw the humor in the prank, and Ang had actually called his room, and let him know this was all her idea, that Hath had nothing to do with it. A short time later, there was a knock on the door. Someone had sent a present to his room. He smiled, thanked the girl who’d brought it up, and opened it. Nestled in the tissue paper was a beautiful green silk shirt with some sort of subtle pattern on the back. Under the shirt was a note.

D –

Honest, Hath had nothing to do with this morning’s little
prank. That was all me, darlin’. So to make nice, here’s a pressie for
you. Hope you like it, and WEAR IT man.

Cheers,
A

Hath still wasn’t answering her phone, so he sent her a PM.

PM FROM I_HEART_THE_GIANTS TO FOOTBALLGODDESS:

Darlin' you are right to not answer your cell. I'm gonna get you. Do you know what Ang did? I can't believe you sent her HERE! Jesus, woman, there were other people around. I smelled you on this the minute that first guy came in all flustered. Huh, it was a little funny, I guess.

Man that woman can RUN! She took off outta there like a bat outta hell. Good thing too. She did send a peace offering up. It's yet another shirt (are you still trying to tell me something)? May just wear it tonight...

Call me back, yeah? I want to hear your voice. NOT your recorded voice. The real one.

Rub the LJs for me.

Miss you, Sexy Momma...

Love,
Sweet Papa

He smiled. It was a nice shirt. He would wear it tonight…