So, here it is. My David Story.

A little background...

I participated in an interactive fan fiction on a friend's site, and my character ended up with David. I spent so much time immersing myself in his music and stories about him (which are hard to find, by the way) that he took over my thoughts for quite some time. I couldn't get him out of my head. He's still in there, rattling doors and opening drawers and such, but he's behaving himself. Mostly.

This story came out as an outlet for me to try to get through my little obsession. I told some of the girls from the other fan fic exercise, and they thought it was hysterical that I got so wrapped up, that I couldn't think of anything but him.

They convinced me to "go public" with the story, so here it is.

I hope you enjoy it. It starts here.

~ Hath

Chapter 115: Back to Normal

Saturday, February 28, 2009


I need some good ideas for t-shirts to wear around here to get the point across that I’m pissed off. I’ve only come up with a few:

"Back off, fucknut"
”Just do your damned job”
"Because I SAID so!"
“I’m pregnant, not a Buddha”

I need your help, Steph. It’s either this, or I start hitting people...
Crap, don’t start beating people up, Hath. You don’t need the hassle. Definitely go for the t-shirts, how about

“You'd look better with duct tape over your mouth! “
"All pissed off and nobody to choke. C'mere..."
"In touch with my inner bitch"
"Piss me of, and suffer the consequences"

Put the minions in a time out until they behave like they are supposed to. You're the boss and they need to understand that.

Sam told me a little bit about what you guys talked about. The way we see it, David is just so head over heels in love I don't think he can help it. The rest of them need to back off a bit and you need to tell them that. I can tell them for you when we get there if you want.

Try to get a little rest before talking to Jon. You don't want to go off on him or cry in front of him do you?
I like yours. I'm adding them to the list. Tony's gonna be a busy monkey.

I know they need to back off, and I have to make them understand that, and on some level they already know, but it isn’t the conscious level.... Oh, maybe it's just because they see the end of the tour tunnel, as it were, and are giddy about going home. Whatever the reason, they have to cut the shit. Seriously.

I so don't want to cry at or go off on Jon. Neither of those things work, though both would be gratifying, and it’s not professional. That’s why I haven’t gone to talk to him yet, I’m still too upset. I’m going to talk with him in the morning, when he goes for his run in the hotel gym, though. I have to, but I don’t want to.

And I know David can't help it. I can't blame him for it when I love that he loves me so much. I just wish he'd put a cork in it in front of the kiddies, you know?

I’ll work it out, I guess. Thanks for listening Steph.
Stephanie had never known Hath to back down from anything, and hadn’t ever seen her so upset. She wondered why in the hell David was letting this happen. She slept on it, but in the end decided to call David. He had to know what this was doing to his wife. She consulted the clock and did some quick math. It shouldn’t be too early to call, but one never knew with rock stars.

“’Lo?” a slightly sleepy voice rumbled.

“David, it’s Stephanie. Queenie. Oh hell, did I wake you?” She was rolling her eyes. It had to be close to noon where he was.

“S’alright, Stephanie, I was supposed to be up half an hour ago.” She heard him stretch and groan appreciatively as the kinks worked their way out of his back. “What’s up?”

“Listen, David, what is going on over there? I've been PM-ing with Hath and she is miserable.”

David bolted upright, totally awake now. “What do you mean ‘miserable’? Sure, she’s touchy, but that’s just the hormones.”

Stephanie smiled. The poor, deluded man. “You need to say something to the guys about the cutsey touchy, feely behavior they are laying on her. It is way too much. And if you call her hormonal to her face, she will kill you. Slowly.”

David was surprised that Hath was upset. She wasn’t showing it. “Jesus, why didn't she say anything? God, the guys just love having her and the babies around; reminds us all of our own/other/whatever kids. She's just such a happy glowing pregnant woman that she makes us all smile, and God, they – we – just love feeling the babies move, though it makes Jon miss Sam more, and Richie gets this strange look in his eyes. Teek just gets this wistful look....” David stopped when he realized he was rambling. “Aw, hell, Steph, we didn't mean anything by it...”

Stephanie chuckled. “I figured it was something like that. And maybe if you were all home it wouldn’t be a big deal. But it’s starting to impact her work.” Stephanie took a deep breath. “Look, her ‘minions’ aren't giving her the respect she deserves; they are going over her head and behind her back for all sorts of crap. This is crazy. She was hired to do a job and if no one is listening to her, what's the point?”

“Wait, what? The crew is giving her problems? None of us knew that. I know for sure Jon didn't know about the staff – he’d never have let that happen. Hell, he gave them the speech...shit, guess he has to do it again. I will get the guys to fix this. She has things running so smoothly here, we hardly have to THINK of something we want to have happen, and it gets done. Damn, I wish I had known sooner.”

“Well you know now,” Stephanie said patiently. “You need to do something. She wants to come home with us next week and doesn’t want to tell you; she just wants to disappear during one of your shows. And I'm worried about her. She says her blood pressure is up and she is way stressed out.”

“Aw hell, I don't want her having stress; and her BP is up? She never said anything. If anything happens to her or the twins, I'll never forgive myself. Thank you for telling me, Steph.”

“That’s what friends are for, David. Now go take care of your wife before she kills someone.”

“I will. See you soon, and thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. See you soon. Bye.”

While David and Stephanie were talking, Hath had gone up to the gym to talk to Jon. She watched him through the door for a minute, gathering her courage, then strode in like she owned the place.

“Morning, Hath!” Jon’s smile was wide and genuine. “What’s up? Couldn’t resist watching me run, huh?”

Hath had to chuckle. “Glad to see your ego is still firmly in place, Boss. No, I needed to talk to you about something, and this was the only place I can think of where nobody bothers you.”

Jon saw the look on Hath’s face and slowed then stopped the treadmill. “Judging by the look on your face, this is something serious. What’s happened? Are the babies okay?”

“They’re fine, Jon, but I’m not. Look.” Hath sighed. She grabbed a bottle of water from the bench and tossed it to Jon. “I feel like a bitch for even mentioning it, because I truly appreciate the love and concern you and the others show me and the twins, but do you think you guys could please stop touching and coddling me in front of the staff?”

Jon looked taken aback. “What are you talking about? We don’t...” he trailed off as he thought back over the last few weeks.

“Yeah, you do. You guys go all goofy and mushy, and the minions think it's OK to do the same, and they’ve stopped listening to me.”

“Minions?” Jon chuckled. “I’m gonna have to get them tshirts that say ‘MINION’ in stead of ‘CREW’. But what do you mean they’ve stopped listening to you?”

“They go to Tony or Obie or even Paul with questions they should be coming to me with. They try to second-guess what I want them to do, and they all look at me like I’m some fragile little creature... Bottom line is they don’t respect me anymore, and a lot if it has to do with the way you guys act around me.” Hath was blushing furiously. She took a deep breath and let it out, feeling loads better for having gotten that off her chest.

Jon was surprised, then Hath watched in amazement as ‘pissed off’ crept into his face. He grabbed his Blackberry from the gym bag on the floor, and called the crew chiefs. He arranged for a meeting in an hour, before they went about their business for the day. Hanging up, he looked at Hath. “Don’t worry, they won’t know you finked on them.” Hath started to protest but Jon held a hand up. “I’m kidding, Hath. You should have come to me when it started to be a problem, though.”

“I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. I seriously don’t want to go to jail, Boss, and I swear, I am about THIS close to killing someone.”

“I can tell, now that I really look at you.” He crossed to Hath, and gave her a brief hug.

“Ugh, Boss, you stink.” She laughed and pushed at him when he wouldn’t let her go. “What’s David going to think when I go back to our room smelling like you?”

“He’s gonna think I’m one lucky guy.” He wagged his eyebrows and held her tighter for a moment before dropping his arms.

“Oh, you’re impossible,” Hath said, backing away, chuckling.

“I’m glad you’re smiling. Now, don’t worry about the crew; we’ll get that straightened out.”

“Thanks, Boss.”

After breakfast, Hath noticed things slowly getting back to normal – or what passed for normal around the backstage area. The crews were doing what they were supposed to do, and when there were issues, they found Hath. She was still going to have Tony make up those t-shirts for her, though. No sense in letting a good idea go to waste.

That afternoon, Hath called Stephanie to give her an update.

“So, he called a meeting and told the team if they had a problem working for me, they could work somewhere else,” Hath said. “I didn’t believe it for a minute, but apparently they did. He told them that they were to treat me with respect, regardless of what the band did. Jon told them they earned the right to be familiar and friendly with me, and the rest of them didn't.’

“Wow,” Stephanie said. “He doesn’t do anything halfway, does he?”

“Nope, not at all. So the funny thing that happened today... after lunch, Jon came and apologized to me again, and said he promised that he'd only put his hands on me in private. His face was so serious, I burst out laughing.”

The two women shared a laugh over that one. Stephanie sobered first. “God, that must have been priceless.”

“Hell, he didn't really realize what he had said at first, but once he did, he started to chuckle, which made me laugh out loud. The twins liked Mommy laughing, and started kicking up a storm. Jon saw my face, and looked around furtively before putting his hands on my belly.”

“You know what this means, right?” Stephanie asked.

“No, what?”

Steph laughed. “Now they're gonna sneak attack you.”

“Oh hell. Well, it’s only for a few more weeks, then I come home. I’m going to take the doctor's advice, and not go to Canada or Michigan.”

“Oh good,” Steph said. “You need some time to unwind and relax. What about the summer?”

“Oh, I’m still going to be working, but from the offices at home. Don’t quite know how that’s going to work, but I’ll figure it out. As for the summer, I'm going to Boston because it's close, and Sam and I are going in a limo and don't have to fly. That ought to be fun. Hey, are you flying straight out to Beantown, or do you want to come to Jersey and ride with us? Lucy's flying in on the 7th, and we're all going on the 8th. We may have to stop a zillion times on the way to pee but it should still be fun.”

“I actually hadn’t decided what to do yet, but that sounds like fun! Count me in!”

Chapter 114: Don't Piss off the Pregnant Woman

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The tour was getting hectic. Hath was running around like a madwoman, and collapsing in bed at night into a dead sleep. Several times, David was feeling amorous and tried to wake her, but it was no use. She was out for the count. He spent long hours cradling their children while is wife slept, and thought for sure that she was overdoing things. He was glad the doctor told her to stop working and go home at the end of June and take it easy. Hath nearly had a fit over that, but they compromised, and she promised to work out of Jon’s office in NY or at home out of her own home office. The doctor threatened her with bed rest if she didn’t take care of herself, and David knew she’d absolutely not want that to happen, so he knew she’d behave.

The girls hadn’t heard from Hath in a while and were getting worried. They were getting updates from their own guys, but they needed to find out for themselves that she was okay.


Hiya. Just wanted to see how things were going. Haven't heard from you in so long! Hah, I guess it’s only been a few days, but I’ve gotten used to getting an email or PM from you at least a couple times a day.

I hope you are taking care of yourself, missy, and L and J, too. Matt tells me things have been busy but he's having the best time and apparently looking after you is one of his new duties. What exactly did you do that you need looking after?

I can't wait to see you all next week. It’s been forever since I’ve been to London. I’ve heard so much about the European set lists, that I’m dying. Can’t you please get a sneak peek?

Lucy is coming to my place a couple days early so we can hang before flying over there. Shh, don't tell Richie, but she's bring Ava with her.

Could you do me a favor? Warn Jon that Michael is ready to talk his ears off about football. I told Michael that Jon knew some of the Giants' players and that he has season tickets, well that was a huge mistake on my part. Michael hasn't shut up since and I told him to ask Jon about it when we see him.

Tell David I have a brand new lipstick just for him. And yes, I'm bringing treats.

Miss you all.



Hey there, Queenie!!!

Things are alright, and I’m taking care of myself, but since I'm not speaking to Jon right now except for business matters, I passed along your message about football to him through David. And I won't say a word to Richie about Ava coming...I’m well on my way to not talking to him, either.

Jon assigned Matt to be my babysitter. I had one little incident where I went sight-seeing by myself one afternoon (complete with map and hand-held GPS, thank-you-very-much) and had to call for help because I was being FOLLOWED all over the damned place, and couldn't get back to the hotel without giving away where they were staying. I hunkered down in a coffee shop and waited, and he sent Matt, who was a real sweetie about it. This is NOT his job.

I’ve been ordered, ORDERED, mind you, to not go off by myself anymore. I’ve been COMMANDED to take Matt with me if I feel the need to go exploring. I am not dragging that poor man all over the damned place. Jon is getting on my very last nerve. Never in a zillion years would I think that even a glimpse of his smile would irritate me.

I also never EVER thought I'd say, I can't wait for this leg of the tour to be over so I can come home. I need a break from these guys. At home, nobody tells me what to do, and nobody follows me around.

*deep, cleansing breath*

I can't wait to see you guys, either. The wedding seems so long ago, and it hasn't even been a month! David seems like he's been mine forever, too. We've taken to finishing each others' sentences, and communicating whole thoughts with just a word or two. It annoys the shit out of Jon, so we do it all the time. I do it on purpose.

I swear, though, I don't need Matt looking after me when the damned guys won't let me out of their sight. I swear to God, it's SO blasted annoying. They just give me this sickly-sweet smile when they see me and if I'm not in the middle of something, they're always touching the twins (The babies, not T&L lol. There is NO repeat of the nonsense that went on before the wedding, tyvm).

Anyway, it's gotten to the point now (dammit all) that if I have to go talk to one of them about something, I just drop my arms and let them have their pat. There’s just no fighting them.

David, I understand, of course. They’re his kids! He should be wanting to feel them, and I love it when he puts his hands on me.

Jon to some extent, I understand, because he misses seeing Sam and Lyndsay. He does it all the damned time, though, and in front of the crew. I swear, they’re looking at me like I’ve gone soft.

Teek is just being sweet, and is always respectful, and doesn’t do it as much as the others, for which I’ve named him my new favorite Jovi.

But oh my sweet JESUS is Richie driving me fucking nuts. I warned Lucy that he's really got baby on the brain, and she thinks I’m kidding. Not even in the slightest. He asks me dozens of questions about everything....and I mean EVERYTHING. Why is it that people think that pregnant women are fair game for embarrassing personal questions? He asked me how many times a day the LJs make me have to pee. I countered with asking how many times a day he jerked off.

*get a grip, Hath*

I told D about the lipstick, and he's been grinning like a damned fool.

Miss you too.

That is IT!! I've had it up to HERE with the whole lot of them. When you girls leave London, I'm coming with you. It's 3:15 in the morning, and I'm ready to fucking murder someone.

My old job never made me this stressed out. I swear to God, my blood pressure has tripled in the last week. If one more person who instead of doing their fucking JOB comes up to me and asks me how I'm feeling, or if I need something, or if they can do something for me, I'm going to rip their heads off and shit down their necks.


Talk about undermining my authority! I have people who are supposed to FEAR me being all cutesy and smiling around me. They see how the guys are with me, all solicitous and *ugh* NICE and of COURSE I'm nice back. I'm MARRIED to one of them, for Christ's sake. That doesn't mean THEY should be all cutesy and nice around me. THEY should be afraid of pissing off the hormonal pregnant woman who could fire them. Most of them, anyway.

Queenie, Matt's the only one who's afraid of me, bless his heart. Well, him and Obie, but Obie’s afraid of everyone. He's positively petrified. I love him.

So, that's it. I'm coming home when you girls go home. I haven't told the guys yet. Don't know if I will or not. May just leave and let them figure it out for themselves.

THAT'S how pissed off I am right now.

~ H

Sam was laughing at Hath’s latest diatribe. Hath had sent her several of the same type of message from different places, and at different times of the day, but the message was clear. Hath was one belly-rub away from killing Sam’s husband. She had to try to get Jon to lay off, but she knew that trying to get that man to do anything he didn’t think was his own idea was about as easy as nailing Jell-O to a tree. She called Hath to see just how close to the edge she was. It only took one syllable before Sam had her answer.

“What?” an angry woman said into the phone.


“Sam?” Hath took a deep breath and sat down. “Sorry. You caught me in a mood. What’s up?”

“I’m worried about you,” Sam said. Your last several notes have been so... so angry, that I’m just concerned. Is everything alright?

“No.” Hath looked up to find she was being watched. She muttered some incoherent curse and stalked off for the ladies’ room. Pretty much her and the stylists were the only women around, and the stylists weren’t on-site yet, so it was empty.

“Sam, I told Jon that this wasn't a good idea. That working with the band directly would mean nothing but trouble. I thought I would get resentment from the others for getting a ‘cushy’ job just because of David, but I never thought I'd have to deal with outright arrrggghhh I don't even know what to call it.”

“Take a deep breath Hath,” Sam said. “I can feel your blood pressure pounding through the phone. Lay out the facts, and I’ll try to help you figure out what to do.” It’s the way she attacked a tough case, and she was pretty sure that this battle of wills between her husband and her friend would be as tough as any case she had tried.

Hath’s voice got quiet, shaking a little. Sam thought she might be close to tears. “It's like they have no respect for me,” Hath said. “They did at the beginning because Jon gave them the big ‘she's in charge because she knows what she's doing not because she's David's wife’ speech, and it worked for a while.”

“Well, that’s something,” Sam said. “But what isn’t working now?”

“Now, they take directives, but don't come to me with questions or problems. They don't want to ‘give me undue stress’. They're giving me undue stress by working around me. I put a system in place that has this place running like the well-oiled machine it used to be, and they're adding sand to the mix. Grrr.”

Oh shit, Sam thought to herself. The woman actually growled. “Did you talk to Jon about this? When it comes to business, he’s usually very level-headed and willing to listen to what the problems are, especially if there’s a chance things will get fouled up.”

“No, I haven't talked to Jon directly about this stuff, because he’s pissing me off as much as everyone else. He’s just as guilty of being all solicitous, and I swear, I don’t mean to complain because he’s just so nice, and he gets this look on his face that makes me wanna cry because I know he’s missing you and Lyndsay something fierce, but,” she let out a shaky breath. “But I’m at the end of my rope. I am seriously coming home with you.”

“Hath, not that I wouldn’t love having you close by again, but have you thought this through?” She waited until Hath had finished her latest string of curses, and covered the mouthpiece with her hand so Hath wouldn’t hear her laughing. “Listen, the guys will never let you forget that you, Triple-G, couldn’t handle them. Is that what you want?”

“No,” Hath admitted, grumpily.

“Then you have to figure out a way to get them to pay attention to you without giving up.”

Hath was quiet for a long minute. “They’re always staring at my chest because the girls are getting big,” she chuckled. “I could take to wearing t-shirts that reflect the thought of the day.”

“There you go!” Sam said. “Do that. Do you have any ideas?”

“Not yet, but Queenie will help me.”

“Alright, well, you call me before you do something stupid, hear me?”

“Yeah, alright. Look I have to go before they storm the bathroom looking for me, the jerks. Talk to you soon, okay? Give Lynsday a pat from Auntie Hath.”

“Will do, now go talk to Jon.”

“I will, after I talk to Tony about getting me t-shirts.”

Sam laughed. “Alright, but right after that.”

“Yes ma’am,” Hath laughed, and hung up.