So, here it is. My David Story.

A little background...

I participated in an interactive fan fiction on a friend's site, and my character ended up with David. I spent so much time immersing myself in his music and stories about him (which are hard to find, by the way) that he took over my thoughts for quite some time. I couldn't get him out of my head. He's still in there, rattling doors and opening drawers and such, but he's behaving himself. Mostly.

This story came out as an outlet for me to try to get through my little obsession. I told some of the girls from the other fan fic exercise, and they thought it was hysterical that I got so wrapped up, that I couldn't think of anything but him.

They convinced me to "go public" with the story, so here it is.

I hope you enjoy it. It starts here.

~ Hath

Chapter 114: Don't Piss off the Pregnant Woman

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The tour was getting hectic. Hath was running around like a madwoman, and collapsing in bed at night into a dead sleep. Several times, David was feeling amorous and tried to wake her, but it was no use. She was out for the count. He spent long hours cradling their children while is wife slept, and thought for sure that she was overdoing things. He was glad the doctor told her to stop working and go home at the end of June and take it easy. Hath nearly had a fit over that, but they compromised, and she promised to work out of Jon’s office in NY or at home out of her own home office. The doctor threatened her with bed rest if she didn’t take care of herself, and David knew she’d absolutely not want that to happen, so he knew she’d behave.

The girls hadn’t heard from Hath in a while and were getting worried. They were getting updates from their own guys, but they needed to find out for themselves that she was okay.


Hiya. Just wanted to see how things were going. Haven't heard from you in so long! Hah, I guess it’s only been a few days, but I’ve gotten used to getting an email or PM from you at least a couple times a day.

I hope you are taking care of yourself, missy, and L and J, too. Matt tells me things have been busy but he's having the best time and apparently looking after you is one of his new duties. What exactly did you do that you need looking after?

I can't wait to see you all next week. It’s been forever since I’ve been to London. I’ve heard so much about the European set lists, that I’m dying. Can’t you please get a sneak peek?

Lucy is coming to my place a couple days early so we can hang before flying over there. Shh, don't tell Richie, but she's bring Ava with her.

Could you do me a favor? Warn Jon that Michael is ready to talk his ears off about football. I told Michael that Jon knew some of the Giants' players and that he has season tickets, well that was a huge mistake on my part. Michael hasn't shut up since and I told him to ask Jon about it when we see him.

Tell David I have a brand new lipstick just for him. And yes, I'm bringing treats.

Miss you all.



Hey there, Queenie!!!

Things are alright, and I’m taking care of myself, but since I'm not speaking to Jon right now except for business matters, I passed along your message about football to him through David. And I won't say a word to Richie about Ava coming...I’m well on my way to not talking to him, either.

Jon assigned Matt to be my babysitter. I had one little incident where I went sight-seeing by myself one afternoon (complete with map and hand-held GPS, thank-you-very-much) and had to call for help because I was being FOLLOWED all over the damned place, and couldn't get back to the hotel without giving away where they were staying. I hunkered down in a coffee shop and waited, and he sent Matt, who was a real sweetie about it. This is NOT his job.

I’ve been ordered, ORDERED, mind you, to not go off by myself anymore. I’ve been COMMANDED to take Matt with me if I feel the need to go exploring. I am not dragging that poor man all over the damned place. Jon is getting on my very last nerve. Never in a zillion years would I think that even a glimpse of his smile would irritate me.

I also never EVER thought I'd say, I can't wait for this leg of the tour to be over so I can come home. I need a break from these guys. At home, nobody tells me what to do, and nobody follows me around.

*deep, cleansing breath*

I can't wait to see you guys, either. The wedding seems so long ago, and it hasn't even been a month! David seems like he's been mine forever, too. We've taken to finishing each others' sentences, and communicating whole thoughts with just a word or two. It annoys the shit out of Jon, so we do it all the time. I do it on purpose.

I swear, though, I don't need Matt looking after me when the damned guys won't let me out of their sight. I swear to God, it's SO blasted annoying. They just give me this sickly-sweet smile when they see me and if I'm not in the middle of something, they're always touching the twins (The babies, not T&L lol. There is NO repeat of the nonsense that went on before the wedding, tyvm).

Anyway, it's gotten to the point now (dammit all) that if I have to go talk to one of them about something, I just drop my arms and let them have their pat. There’s just no fighting them.

David, I understand, of course. They’re his kids! He should be wanting to feel them, and I love it when he puts his hands on me.

Jon to some extent, I understand, because he misses seeing Sam and Lyndsay. He does it all the damned time, though, and in front of the crew. I swear, they’re looking at me like I’ve gone soft.

Teek is just being sweet, and is always respectful, and doesn’t do it as much as the others, for which I’ve named him my new favorite Jovi.

But oh my sweet JESUS is Richie driving me fucking nuts. I warned Lucy that he's really got baby on the brain, and she thinks I’m kidding. Not even in the slightest. He asks me dozens of questions about everything....and I mean EVERYTHING. Why is it that people think that pregnant women are fair game for embarrassing personal questions? He asked me how many times a day the LJs make me have to pee. I countered with asking how many times a day he jerked off.

*get a grip, Hath*

I told D about the lipstick, and he's been grinning like a damned fool.

Miss you too.

That is IT!! I've had it up to HERE with the whole lot of them. When you girls leave London, I'm coming with you. It's 3:15 in the morning, and I'm ready to fucking murder someone.

My old job never made me this stressed out. I swear to God, my blood pressure has tripled in the last week. If one more person who instead of doing their fucking JOB comes up to me and asks me how I'm feeling, or if I need something, or if they can do something for me, I'm going to rip their heads off and shit down their necks.


Talk about undermining my authority! I have people who are supposed to FEAR me being all cutesy and smiling around me. They see how the guys are with me, all solicitous and *ugh* NICE and of COURSE I'm nice back. I'm MARRIED to one of them, for Christ's sake. That doesn't mean THEY should be all cutesy and nice around me. THEY should be afraid of pissing off the hormonal pregnant woman who could fire them. Most of them, anyway.

Queenie, Matt's the only one who's afraid of me, bless his heart. Well, him and Obie, but Obie’s afraid of everyone. He's positively petrified. I love him.

So, that's it. I'm coming home when you girls go home. I haven't told the guys yet. Don't know if I will or not. May just leave and let them figure it out for themselves.

THAT'S how pissed off I am right now.

~ H

Sam was laughing at Hath’s latest diatribe. Hath had sent her several of the same type of message from different places, and at different times of the day, but the message was clear. Hath was one belly-rub away from killing Sam’s husband. She had to try to get Jon to lay off, but she knew that trying to get that man to do anything he didn’t think was his own idea was about as easy as nailing Jell-O to a tree. She called Hath to see just how close to the edge she was. It only took one syllable before Sam had her answer.

“What?” an angry woman said into the phone.


“Sam?” Hath took a deep breath and sat down. “Sorry. You caught me in a mood. What’s up?”

“I’m worried about you,” Sam said. Your last several notes have been so... so angry, that I’m just concerned. Is everything alright?

“No.” Hath looked up to find she was being watched. She muttered some incoherent curse and stalked off for the ladies’ room. Pretty much her and the stylists were the only women around, and the stylists weren’t on-site yet, so it was empty.

“Sam, I told Jon that this wasn't a good idea. That working with the band directly would mean nothing but trouble. I thought I would get resentment from the others for getting a ‘cushy’ job just because of David, but I never thought I'd have to deal with outright arrrggghhh I don't even know what to call it.”

“Take a deep breath Hath,” Sam said. “I can feel your blood pressure pounding through the phone. Lay out the facts, and I’ll try to help you figure out what to do.” It’s the way she attacked a tough case, and she was pretty sure that this battle of wills between her husband and her friend would be as tough as any case she had tried.

Hath’s voice got quiet, shaking a little. Sam thought she might be close to tears. “It's like they have no respect for me,” Hath said. “They did at the beginning because Jon gave them the big ‘she's in charge because she knows what she's doing not because she's David's wife’ speech, and it worked for a while.”

“Well, that’s something,” Sam said. “But what isn’t working now?”

“Now, they take directives, but don't come to me with questions or problems. They don't want to ‘give me undue stress’. They're giving me undue stress by working around me. I put a system in place that has this place running like the well-oiled machine it used to be, and they're adding sand to the mix. Grrr.”

Oh shit, Sam thought to herself. The woman actually growled. “Did you talk to Jon about this? When it comes to business, he’s usually very level-headed and willing to listen to what the problems are, especially if there’s a chance things will get fouled up.”

“No, I haven't talked to Jon directly about this stuff, because he’s pissing me off as much as everyone else. He’s just as guilty of being all solicitous, and I swear, I don’t mean to complain because he’s just so nice, and he gets this look on his face that makes me wanna cry because I know he’s missing you and Lyndsay something fierce, but,” she let out a shaky breath. “But I’m at the end of my rope. I am seriously coming home with you.”

“Hath, not that I wouldn’t love having you close by again, but have you thought this through?” She waited until Hath had finished her latest string of curses, and covered the mouthpiece with her hand so Hath wouldn’t hear her laughing. “Listen, the guys will never let you forget that you, Triple-G, couldn’t handle them. Is that what you want?”

“No,” Hath admitted, grumpily.

“Then you have to figure out a way to get them to pay attention to you without giving up.”

Hath was quiet for a long minute. “They’re always staring at my chest because the girls are getting big,” she chuckled. “I could take to wearing t-shirts that reflect the thought of the day.”

“There you go!” Sam said. “Do that. Do you have any ideas?”

“Not yet, but Queenie will help me.”

“Alright, well, you call me before you do something stupid, hear me?”

“Yeah, alright. Look I have to go before they storm the bathroom looking for me, the jerks. Talk to you soon, okay? Give Lynsday a pat from Auntie Hath.”

“Will do, now go talk to Jon.”

“I will, after I talk to Tony about getting me t-shirts.”

Sam laughed. “Alright, but right after that.”

“Yes ma’am,” Hath laughed, and hung up.


Anonymous said...

OMG! Is she seriously pissed off or what? I would not like to be in the room when she finally lets rip!!


Bayaderra said...

Watch out boys! You messed with a pregnant woman! Heads (and balls)might start rolling!
Hath, please don't make us wait for the next chapter this long again!

JBJBounce said...

I'm so glad you're getting your life back in order because I've MISSED this story. Whoever knew I'd be hooked on a DAVID story???? Anyway, I would not want to be anywhere near that woman when she's angry. She's scary!

Kris said...

They better

Joviswoman said...

Holy hell getting a pregnant woman pissed!!!! I think they'd better run, and FAST lmao.

Anonymous said...

I cannot wait to see what the t-shirts will say!
I hope the guys get the message and quit with the coddling. A competent, capable, type-a, anal person like Hath just can't handle that kind of crap. It's more stressful than any regular job could be!

Judith said...

LMAO! Watch out your heads guys! Seems Triple G is back :D Maybe Dave has to find a way to calm her down a bit...

Catte Sambora said...

"Queenie, Matt's the only one who's afraid of me, bless his heart. Well, him and Obie, but Obie’s afraid of everyone. He's positively petrified. I love him."

ROTFL.... :) God Bless Obie...he's like the Rodney Dangerfield of the Jovi Camp...NO RESPECT!!! I'm totally loving this story, Goddess. Almost every chapter makes me laugh out loud. Great job!